Are We External?

I had a realization the other day while sipping my hazelnut coffee - sitting alone at Panera studying the Bible and reading Dallas Willard - that I have been too concerned with my outward acts of the disciplines. I keep thinking of what I must DO, what disciplines I must "perform" to be "where I want to be with Jesus." And in turn - my goal is - these outward disciplines would then emerge a Christ-likeness in my character. Willard has called this a focus on the "external manifestations of Christ-likeness" and they should not be the focus at all.

I need to pray more, read more, give more, praise more, fast more, etc. But for me - currently - I am too focused on the doing. On the external. I think because I'm desiring to do these disciplines for the sake of doing them without taking to heart & mind what the purpose is: TRANSFORMATION. I need to be in "progressive inner transformation." Seeing that when I discipline myself to pray to my Savior, read His word, that the outcome is not that I've "done" them, but that I am transforming my heart/mind/soul in union with Jesus.

We have this desire for Knowledge, for knowing God (speaking of...J.I. Packer's book is a must read). But isn't knowledge an "interactive relationship" like Willard says? I believe it is. That interactiveness is the disciplines. Seeking those times with Jesus, those times serving Jesus, giving to him, etc.

I have a desire to know God. To know Jesus of Nazareth. My Savior, the author of my salvation. But what keeps me from knowing him? (well, that's a loaded question) Not knowing His Word. I was reading Psalm 119 the other day and verse 11 completely floored me:

"I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."

Whoa.

Am I seeking?
Am I storing up His Word?

"This seeking is driven by the desire to be inwardly pure before God, to be wholly for Him, to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Inseparable from that desire is the desire to be good as Christ himself is good: to love our relatives, friend and neighbors as he loves them and to serve them with the powers of God's Kingdom."

"This seeking is implemented though the discovery of the state of our own heart and inner world by study, reflection, prayer and counsel and then through the taking of appropriate measure to change what is not right within, as well as in the visible, social world of which we are a part. We find what God is doing in us and in the visible world and merge our actions into His. This what Jesus described as constantly seeking 'first for the kingdom of God and his kind of righteousness' (Matthew 6:33)" [Willard]

I know I quote Willard a lot, but he is what is really moving me right now. "Taking appropriate measure to change what is not right within..." That is what I need. That is what is going on inside my heart. I am need of seeking Him more and more and more. To seek and be transformed.

To seek and be transformed...that is my new motto.